Michelle Elman: The Joy of Being Selfish (excerpt) #

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The Joy of Being Selfish: Why you need boundaries and how to set them by Michelle Elman | Goodreads

From Chapter 3 Section 1 No: What Do You Actually Want?

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Just because the phone is ringing doesn’t mean you have to pick up. Just because someone wants you doesn’t mean they get to have you. Just because someone needs you for something doesn’t mean you have to drop your own needs. It’s time to stop being dictated by the needs and wants of the world around you and start asking yourself what you actually want.

People with good boundaries say what they mean and they mean what they say. In that sense, “no” is a hugely symbolic word, and our inability to use it when we want to is a sign of lack of boundaries. It is the word we use to make choices and decisions for our life. If we are unable to use it effectively, our lives are decided by others and we become a victim to our own life. When we don’t have boundaries, we say yes when we mean no, and as a result we rarely get a chance to say yes to the things we want to do. This is why learning how to say no also gives our yes more power. Reintroducing no into your vocabulary puts you back in charge of making decisions for yourself.